I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
