Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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