you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
