she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
