it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
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I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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