is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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