Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
