he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Randomize