On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
