dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
