After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
