just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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