You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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