I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
