I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
