none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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