omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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