I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
