Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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