we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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