I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
