My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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