Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
