Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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