I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Be still, my beating vagina.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
