You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
