There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
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I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm both gender and math confused
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