my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
