Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
