If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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