Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
