I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
