no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
