My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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