Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
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the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
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I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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