You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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