If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
