I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
