I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
