so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
