i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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