THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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