you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
