And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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