My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
