girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
