Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
