i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
