i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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