Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
