It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
