I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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