So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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