he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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