How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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