I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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