omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
