I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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