what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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