I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
