That's intense
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
