Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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