So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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