I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize