I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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