Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
