I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
