Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize