My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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